Well, we have officially moved! It's been over a month again, since I've written, but moving is enough of an excuse to warrant that :)
Today I sit in my new coffee shop - Baltimore Coffee and Tea Company.....ahhhh, surrounded by thousands, or, perhaps, millions of coffee beans, I endeavor to stay focused on my studying for my quickly approaching comp on Body and Physical Difference.
This BCTC has already served as the site for a first date - another that does not warrant a second date. SSDD people. I am beginning to think God is having a lot of fun sending me all the men in the world who have bad teeth and put misleading pictures of themselves on their profiles. :) But, no major investment, no frustration, when all is said and done.
This coffee shop has seemed to be one that is fairly quiet, not quite as noisy and chaotic as the Caribou I used to frequent. Quiet in the sense that people respect each others' work space so are not ridiculously loud on cell phones or Skype conversations with their internet brides. ;)
However, there are still the "Outlet Hogs" that frequent almost every coffee shop. I am sitting next to one today. I asked him nicely if he would be needing both plugs the entire time (considering the fact that one of his plugs was for his IPhone. And, if you have an IPhone you know that you can plug it directly into your laptop in the jumpdrive to charge it. It does not require the actual wall-socket outlet in order to charge.) He got a little incensed and removed his IPhone plug, so now I can plug in. But, really........common sense people, common sense.
New Apartment is great! Neighbors are GREAT! We have Mary Claire upstairs who introduced herself to my dad and I by saying,
"Hi, honey, I may not always have food in my cupboards but I always have wine and booze." My kind of neighbor!!!
And, she told Abby that if we have a party, we should let her know, she likes to party.
Let me clarify that Mary Claire is probably in her early 60s :)
We live below an international airline stewardess who is from New Zealand. She has also invited us for a bottle of wine :) a bottle, yes, not a glass.....
So, people have been really friendly - heck, anyone who wants to share their wine should be considered friendly, lol.
Wine in the Woods is coming up next weekend and I'm very much looking forward to that! An old friend from high school is coming down to visit and it should be a really good time....
BTW, in the time that has passed, I did have a minor accident which resulted in some new scar-work on my face. I figured it was time to get some scars on the left side to balance out the right :)
Thanks to the Cherry Blossom Festival and the guy who lifted the caution tape to push his stroller UNDER while I was in the process of stepping OVER it......I ended up with stitches and a lovely little scar on my chin which still has nerve damage and is not healing as well as I would like. A trip to the plastic surgeon may be in order here.
All in all, life is good. We have gotten away from Vagina Guy, the Domestic Abuse couple, and the case-a-weekend beer drinkers that live in our old building. OHHHHHHH, and we rescued a new stray kitty in the process. More on that later.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
What is the current definition for the word "fit" in a 38 year old man's dictionary?
Would someone please define "fit" for me? I workout 4-5 times a week, cycling and with weights and when I prepare for a date with a man who calls himself "fit" and "active" I expect him to be "fit" and "active." Perhaps that definition has changed for men in their late 30s or early 40s?
Are men really that un-self-aware that they don't know when their paunch is starting to hang over the belt loops? Do they honestly see a ripped bicep when it's, uh, not? And, who ever told men that pecs that looks like breasts, even if they are solid-ish, are attractive?
A friend of mine theorizes that men are just not as self-aware as women are and that because it is okay for men to be "average" while it is not okay for women to be so (the average woman is now a size 14), that men don't really see the changes in themselves over time or don't recognize when they've put on enough weight that they should actually be buying a new pair of pants. Is this true?
My date last night would indicate that it is, unfortunately:
You know it's sad when, the moment you walk into the bar to meet your date, that you think, "Man, this is gonna' make a great blog entry!" Apparently, Joe hasn't gotten my memo on posting updated pictures of oneself on the profile....
Joe describes himself as "a runner, hiker, a fit and active guy who really likes being outdoors and has done triathlons, goes repelling....etc." His pictures all show him in his active lifestyle, with a body that looks to be in shape and "fit."
Perhaps Joe has forgotten what "fit" means or his definition of "fit" has changed, I can't be sure.
I walked into DuClaw at the Arundel Mills Mall (another indicator, but whatever), hoping that the guy I saw in the bar windows was not the guy I was there to meet, but when I texted and asked if he was there, he said he was in the bar. Great start!
The server was at our table and Joe was getting ready to order a drink without me - shouldn't you wait until your "date" joins you? Really? When the server turned around and walked towards me, the look on his face was priceless.....kinda' like, oh man, this is an online date and she is going to be disappointed, haha.
Joe is wearing what I shall refer to as a "Ravens"-purple t-shirt. It is not, thankfully, an actual Baltimore Ravens t-shirt, but it is the color purple that one would associate with the team. The sleeves are rolled in Fonzi or Chachi style to accentuate the "ripped, but not so ripped" muscles on the upper arm. His t-shirt is tucked into his jeans and about 15 minutes into the "date" I realize that he has about a 5-6 inch solid roll hanging over his waistband. Fit? Fit? Really? Fit? Why am I ever worried about my own body when I go on dates anymore? Seriously. I'm smokin' in comparison.....I might as well be a runway model.
Joe spends the date complaining about his past dates and about women in general. Hmmmmm. He even talks about the fact that he has had so many first dates on Plenty of Fish and he used to think that technology would make there be less single people in the world, but now he thinks it is the reverse.
He thinks it has made people more picky, especially women. He says that he thinks women have to be awed and wowed on a first date now in order to want to go out again and he doesn't understand why that is. He says that men don't need that. As long as you have a good time, then a second date is in order.
Well, Joe, I'd like to explain to you why you're not getting second dates. Perhaps the picture of yourself with a great body in a fitted t-shirt just isn't accurate anymore? Perhaps the work you had done on your teeth that has left your front tooth capped, discolored, slanted and slightly separated from all the rest of your teeth is so distracting that women can't actually look at you during a "date" because they feel like they'd stare at that poor little "misfit" tooth. Perhaps your choice of Happy Days style clothing adds to all of these problems?
Joe asked about what I had been reading that day, and like many people assumed that when I said "sexualities" that I meant sex. Trying to explain the difference to him was challenging and I still don't think that I succeeded. But, that, I could expect from many others, so not really a criticism, just an addition to the list of things that were problematic.
Joe was nice enough, don't get me wrong, but I thought I had made it pretty clear via body language (crossed arms, sitting with my hands in front of me in clasped prayer style at my face, eye-wandering to the televisions in the sports bar) that I wasn't really interested romantically. He had, after all, not ordered a second drink. I had, after all, asked the server for the check. :)
Then, Joe asks me for what I'm looking for in a relationship. Usually, I can steer men away by talking about how much I need someone who is flexible and can move with me anywhere because I don't know where I will get a job.
At this point, Joe starts selling himself as a candidate for that position. Talking about how flexible his job is, how much money is billed for him hourly, and how much money he could bill hourly for himself if he went independent. Really?
The evening ended (40 minutes, my second shortest date, YES!).
I got a text from Joe this morning telling me how nice it was to meet me and asking me if I had a good time. Not this again.........I feel like it's a repeat of the "professional baseball player" all over again......
I sent Joe a very nice email (approved by my co-worker who is much nicer than I am):
"Joe,
It was good to meet you.
While you seem like a really nice guy, I am not interested romantically.
To be honest, I would suggest that you update your photos on your PoF site or at least post clearer photos of yourself.
Best of luck,
H"
I think this was kind. There is so much more I could have said. I could have explained to him exactly why he wasn't getting second dates. I refrained.
Here is the response I got from Joe:
"You have issues hon but i still wish you luck. Certainly you will need it if you are going to find someone."
Now, those of you who know me know that my fingers are just itching and my tongue is just burning to post a response to that, but I am refraining. How easy it would be to shred him, how easy......
And that, after we had talked about how you can't take anything in online dating personally unless you're actually at the stage of steady dating and being in a relationship.
I have one more date this weekend, and I have emailed him asking him to please please please look like his pics......lmao.
Are men really that un-self-aware that they don't know when their paunch is starting to hang over the belt loops? Do they honestly see a ripped bicep when it's, uh, not? And, who ever told men that pecs that looks like breasts, even if they are solid-ish, are attractive?
A friend of mine theorizes that men are just not as self-aware as women are and that because it is okay for men to be "average" while it is not okay for women to be so (the average woman is now a size 14), that men don't really see the changes in themselves over time or don't recognize when they've put on enough weight that they should actually be buying a new pair of pants. Is this true?
My date last night would indicate that it is, unfortunately:
You know it's sad when, the moment you walk into the bar to meet your date, that you think, "Man, this is gonna' make a great blog entry!" Apparently, Joe hasn't gotten my memo on posting updated pictures of oneself on the profile....
Joe describes himself as "a runner, hiker, a fit and active guy who really likes being outdoors and has done triathlons, goes repelling....etc." His pictures all show him in his active lifestyle, with a body that looks to be in shape and "fit."
Perhaps Joe has forgotten what "fit" means or his definition of "fit" has changed, I can't be sure.
I walked into DuClaw at the Arundel Mills Mall (another indicator, but whatever), hoping that the guy I saw in the bar windows was not the guy I was there to meet, but when I texted and asked if he was there, he said he was in the bar. Great start!
The server was at our table and Joe was getting ready to order a drink without me - shouldn't you wait until your "date" joins you? Really? When the server turned around and walked towards me, the look on his face was priceless.....kinda' like, oh man, this is an online date and she is going to be disappointed, haha.
Joe is wearing what I shall refer to as a "Ravens"-purple t-shirt. It is not, thankfully, an actual Baltimore Ravens t-shirt, but it is the color purple that one would associate with the team. The sleeves are rolled in Fonzi or Chachi style to accentuate the "ripped, but not so ripped" muscles on the upper arm. His t-shirt is tucked into his jeans and about 15 minutes into the "date" I realize that he has about a 5-6 inch solid roll hanging over his waistband. Fit? Fit? Really? Fit? Why am I ever worried about my own body when I go on dates anymore? Seriously. I'm smokin' in comparison.....I might as well be a runway model.
Joe spends the date complaining about his past dates and about women in general. Hmmmmm. He even talks about the fact that he has had so many first dates on Plenty of Fish and he used to think that technology would make there be less single people in the world, but now he thinks it is the reverse.
He thinks it has made people more picky, especially women. He says that he thinks women have to be awed and wowed on a first date now in order to want to go out again and he doesn't understand why that is. He says that men don't need that. As long as you have a good time, then a second date is in order.
Well, Joe, I'd like to explain to you why you're not getting second dates. Perhaps the picture of yourself with a great body in a fitted t-shirt just isn't accurate anymore? Perhaps the work you had done on your teeth that has left your front tooth capped, discolored, slanted and slightly separated from all the rest of your teeth is so distracting that women can't actually look at you during a "date" because they feel like they'd stare at that poor little "misfit" tooth. Perhaps your choice of Happy Days style clothing adds to all of these problems?
Joe asked about what I had been reading that day, and like many people assumed that when I said "sexualities" that I meant sex. Trying to explain the difference to him was challenging and I still don't think that I succeeded. But, that, I could expect from many others, so not really a criticism, just an addition to the list of things that were problematic.
Joe was nice enough, don't get me wrong, but I thought I had made it pretty clear via body language (crossed arms, sitting with my hands in front of me in clasped prayer style at my face, eye-wandering to the televisions in the sports bar) that I wasn't really interested romantically. He had, after all, not ordered a second drink. I had, after all, asked the server for the check. :)
Then, Joe asks me for what I'm looking for in a relationship. Usually, I can steer men away by talking about how much I need someone who is flexible and can move with me anywhere because I don't know where I will get a job.
At this point, Joe starts selling himself as a candidate for that position. Talking about how flexible his job is, how much money is billed for him hourly, and how much money he could bill hourly for himself if he went independent. Really?
The evening ended (40 minutes, my second shortest date, YES!).
I got a text from Joe this morning telling me how nice it was to meet me and asking me if I had a good time. Not this again.........I feel like it's a repeat of the "professional baseball player" all over again......
I sent Joe a very nice email (approved by my co-worker who is much nicer than I am):
"Joe,
It was good to meet you.
While you seem like a really nice guy, I am not interested romantically.
To be honest, I would suggest that you update your photos on your PoF site or at least post clearer photos of yourself.
Best of luck,
H"
I think this was kind. There is so much more I could have said. I could have explained to him exactly why he wasn't getting second dates. I refrained.
Here is the response I got from Joe:
"You have issues hon but i still wish you luck. Certainly you will need it if you are going to find someone."
Now, those of you who know me know that my fingers are just itching and my tongue is just burning to post a response to that, but I am refraining. How easy it would be to shred him, how easy......
And that, after we had talked about how you can't take anything in online dating personally unless you're actually at the stage of steady dating and being in a relationship.
I have one more date this weekend, and I have emailed him asking him to please please please look like his pics......lmao.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Intellectual Elitist? Perhaps.......A Defense of the Desire to Date a Man with a Brain
In my 10 plus years of on again, off again, online dating, I've encountered all kinds......my friends (fellow online daters) and I seem to have the habit of attributing nicknames to many of these "experiences." Nicknames that are not always flattering, but are definitely always apt. Just a few from the collection:
1. Needs a Dictionary Guy (my favorite J------- story, always good for a laugh with friends who are also intellectual elitists)
2. Gold Chain and Black Lame Guy (that's luh-may, not lame.....yes, and I think the name explains itself, however the story will be forthcoming, since it's K------'s favorite story of all time)
3. Beef (this one comes from K------ in NYC and I would have loved to have seen him in person)
4. Red-Neck, Triangle-tooth Fisherman Guy (my personal favorite, this was my record all-time shortest date at a Starbucks in Tallahassee, FL)
5. Big Fat Liar Guy (a man whose pics were definitely from 20 years ago, who looked more my father's age than my own)
6. The Perv (a recent winner who seemed to be able to make every comment whether spoken or written and say something dirty or disgusting, no matter how many times I asked him not to)
7. TMI Guy (a guy who shared his Urinary Tract Infection Information in our 3rd phone call, thanks but no thanks)
8. White Jean Shorts Guy (yes, a man actually showed up for a date in straight leg white jean shorts, Tallahassee again, need I say more?)
9. The Magician (my favorite guy from EHarmony who actually was a good match but lived too far away and his job was actually motivational speaking using magic for corporate venues)
10. Tattoo Guy (my most recent foray into online dating brought me head to head with a guy who actually HATES tattoos and was apparently so repulsed by my bracelet that he decided he could never date me. That story too, in another episode).
Shall we begin with "Needs a Dictionary Guy?" He is the primary reason that I began to reevaluate my own need to be with a man who is either my intellectual equal or strives to be culturally, socially, and politically aware in his own areas of expertise.
I don't think it's too much to ask that a man have a basic vocabulary at his disposal....
J------ went on a date perhaps a year and a half ago, and I vividly remember the phone call that followed. She called almost directly after returning home.
Dinner at a chain-y type Bennigan's, Friday's, Chili's place....
Small talk ensued and as part of the conversation her date says,
"Hey, I guess my shirt kind of matches the decor in here"
Jocelyn responds,
"Yes, how thematic of you"
His response,
"Huh?"
She has to explain what the word "thematic" means.........
Now, some might think we're being a little judgmental here, but I say, if a man doesn't know what the word "thematic" means, I don't think I can date him. I don't think I can respect him intellectually.
If you don't know what "thematic" means, are you going to be versed in what is going on politically in our world? are you going to understand the significance of current debates over health care? are you going to care about these things at all? If the answer to any of these is "No" then I could never date you.
I'm not asking for a political analyst or a health care guru or even someone who is as fervent about any of these issues as I am, but I do want someone who can understand and discuss the issues, even if we don't agree.
So, if I sound like an intellectual elitist, then so be it. I want someone well-read, aware, and who has an educated opinion on the matters of our world. If it's too much to ask, then I'd rather stay single
:)
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Top 10 Reasons to Move ASAP
I'd like to provide you with 10 reasons, but I strongly believe that you will settle for 2 reasons, once you read through today's blog:
Snowpocalypse, Snowmageddon, and so on and so on, and so on...
The East Coast has been obliterated by snow 3 times this season, so far. By far two weeks ago was the worst, with one storm amounting to 38 inches of snow. This wouldn't have been too bad, considering the fact that I had stocked up at the grocery store (although all the meat was gone by the time I got there, a wholenother discussion).
The East Coast has been obliterated by snow 3 times this season, so far. By far two weeks ago was the worst, with one storm amounting to 38 inches of snow. This wouldn't have been too bad, considering the fact that I had stocked up at the grocery store (although all the meat was gone by the time I got there, a wholenother discussion).
That weekend, I spent Saturday evening and Sunday morning shoveling my little Cabrio out not one, or two, but three times, thanks to the plows and my "kind" neighbors who saw fit to shovel me in in order to shovel themselves out.
This weekend, our new neighbor "Joe" happened to be moving in. His U-Haul stuck on the street, full, because of the on-coming snow the day of his arrival with his girlfriend. Yes, Joe has a girlfriend. This girlfriend has two children from a previous relationship and works at a law office. All of this was found out throughout the weekend.
My first experience with Joe was Saturday evening when Joe, along with all the other men who were out shoveling, failed to even express a chivalrous sentiment by even attempting to help me shovel my car out. He chatted with "Bob" who lives downstairs. Big-truck owning Bob, who throws out at least a case of empty beer bottles/cans every weekend. This amicable chatting takes place loud enough for me to be "assumed" to be part of the conversation by Joe and Bob.
Joe discusses all the cash he's "dropped" into his vehicles over the years, with speakers, radios, and other technology - thousands and thousands of dollars. After a long conversation about money money and more money,
Joe asks, "Hey, do you know where I can find a job. I need a job." I think to myself, you just moved in here and you don't have a job? Hmmmmm. But, nonetheless, I try to be a kindly neighbor. Here is the conversation that followed:
Me: The Census Bureau is hiring.
Joe: What?
Me: The Census Bureau is hiring.
Joe: No, I mean, what's that?
Me: (almost laughing) Are you serious, you don't know what the census bureau is?
Joe: No, what the f%$# is that?
Me: You know, the census....
Joe: No.
Me: (just about to say the word demographic, but catching myself realizing that he will probably not know what this means either) You know, population counting?
Joe: What the f%$#, you mean I have to go count people?
Me: It's a door to door survey job. It pays $16.50 an hour.
Joe: (lighting up his 5th cigarette in the last hour) Does it require you to have a high school diploma?
Me: Uhhhhh, I don't know.
Joe: You know, because I'm a preacher's kid so......
Me: (truly confused) How do those two things connect? Preacher's kid and high school drop-out?
Joe: You know, I was tired of that s%$#, and tired of all the Christian crap, so....
Me: Oh, I wasn't aware those things were connected though. I know a lot of preacher's kids who were rebellious but still graduated high school.
Joe: I don't know, f%$# that....I just need me a job. Dude, I gotta get some booze and s%$# for the Super Bowl tomorrow....how the f%$# am I gonna get out there.....
Thus, my conversation with "Joe" ends and I continue to shovel myself out without anyone's assistance.
The following morning, Sunday, the Super Bowl, I come outside to "Joe" blaring his Seattle Heavy Metal Music, "S%$# that no one even knows about, this s%$# is awesome." Meanwhile, the "music" lyrics are nothing by "Die Motherf%$#er" or "You can _____ my d%$#" and so on and so forth. Cigarette smoke abounds and I, of course, am still parked next to Joe in the lot. Joy.
Today, I don't even feel the need to be nice. Today, I just shovel and hunker down. A kind neighbor had loaned me a shovel. When I finished, I walked over to the group of residents who were standing around talking and planning Super Bowl festivities. I hand the shovel back to my neighbor and thank her for its loan.
"Joe" is still complaining about getting booze for the Super Bowl today. I suggested he walk across the street, as the liguor store is not that far. Here is the following conversation:
Joe: F%$# that! I'm not walking in this s%$#.
Me: Then why not drive over there. You're dug out and the roads should be fine for your Jeep.
Joe: Oh, The Vagina won't let me.
I'm not sure what my face looked like at that moment. But, it got very quiet in the parking lot. Joe's girlfriend who was standing in the group didn't bat an eyelid, didn't say anything, didn't do anything. I was in shock.
For real? For real? If any many ever thought he could call me "The Vagina" he would wake up without the matching parts to that vagina!
Unbelievable. I believe this story alone should get me somewhere with the management when I negotiate our lease this week.
If not, how about the 911 call that my roommate had to make last Thursday evening when a man in Apt 14 was beating the crap out of his girlfriend? Or, perhaps the legal eviction notices on Apt 21 that showed up after the tenants skipped out on rent and moved everything out late at night?
Stay tuned, for more dating stories. This saga just seemed to good not to share.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
My Evening with the Aspiring Pete Rose and the Altoona Crew
Online dating is like the prize in the Cracker Jack box......you're never quite sure what you're going to get and most of them are just disappointing and pretty useless.
Last night was no exception. As a general rule, I now refuse to waste my time with weeks of endless chitter chatter online, creating a fictitious version of the "man" that I am going to date before I have given him "face time." This only reinforces unrealistic expectations and causes more excruciating disappointments when the inevitable happens.
Now, I'm not saying that every date is bad or painful.....some are tolerable.
Today begins a period of time in my blog in which I will focus on online dating, highs and lows, dos and don'ts, pros and cons. Today, I begin with the mediocre date.....the one that makes you feel bad about never calling back or finally having to write that very clear email stating that you felt nothing or see no future.
Last night I met up with "R" at a sports bar near my house. Mind you, I had never been there before, and neither had he. In retrospect, not a good idea. And in further retrospect, I should have known when the "bar" had no website that it might be a less than stellar location to meet up. However, it was his suggestion, and I trusted that he had done his "leg-work" in finding out about the place. Not so.
I arrived at the AASB a little before 8pm and was immediately thankful that I had worn nothing more than jeans and a t-shirt and a jacket. I stood out. I stood out not only because I was about 15 years younger than most of the patrons, but because my hair was actually combed and I looked like I had actually bathed in the last 3 days.
I stood out because when I smiled at the female bartender, I had all of my teeth with which to do so. I stood out because I was not counting my change in my pockets to see if I could have "just one more beer."
In the dark lighting of the bar (and that's all it was, a bar, no food to speak of, unless one considers the snack bags of chips, peanuts and cheese crackers displayed behind the bar for sale as food to be consumed on a date), I sat on my stool patiently waiting for "R."
Now, this is not to say that I haven't been to bars of this type before, but I'm pretty sure that was in the late 1990s and I was a college student or early 20something with little money and lots of friends to hang out with, which kept the rest of the atmosphere from being less than desirable.
I have also encountered these bars in parts of Pennsylvania where I have relatives who frequent these types of establishments, drinking heavily, smoking, and playing pool. While I am not averse to pool, a table that actually has all of its legs and is not propped up by cinderblocks is preferable, and pool sticks that are not gnawed on the edges would be nice.
Is it too much to ask that I don't have beer seeping into the sleeve of my shirt when I bend over to take a shot?
I had suggested Bonefish to meet for a drink at the bar.....and should have known when he chose otherwise that it might not be an ideal situation.
"R" eventually arrives after he bi-passes the location -which should not be surprising since it has no official sign that is visible and is in a building that looks like it belongs to the auto garage next door.
"R" had described himself as the owner of a landscaping company, a former restaurant owner, and a semi-pro baseball player. One would wonder then why "R" is so out of shape, looks like he is about49 instead of 39 and drinks Coors Light. Nitpicky you say? Forgive me then, a clearer explanation may be in order......
"R" is wearing the short sleeved dress shirt that is at least a size too big, tucked into overly washed and fagged out jeans that are at least 2 sizes too big, belted with a belt that is so tight his stomach paunch is hanging over the waistband and belt struggling to get out of his shirt, which is missing buttons.
His hair, while thinning, is also teased for fullness, sticking out in unnatural directions, and he looks like one who has had a particularly rough life, or who had been up all night drinking beer and chain smoking cigarettes, blood shot eyes and all. My father used to say that people looked like they had been "ridden hard and put up wet" and I would say that's a fair description of "R."
Glad to see "R" enter however, as I had been forced into conversing with Three Tooth Tim for more than 15 minutes after he continually poked me from behind at the bar and insisted that I needed company, I immediately began to consume my beer much faster than I ever would.
Feeling badly, however, that he had driven 30-35 minutes to meet up near my place of residence, I felt that a 30-45 minute date would be inappropriate. I stuck it out for about an hour and a half, conversing about meaningless topics (animals, beer, construction - oh yes, ladies construction talk, so exciting, semi-pro baseball and the ways in which he watches baseball differently because he's a player).
While "R" professed his lack of commonality with those around us, I couldn't help but feel that he would feel right at home at AASB. His teeth, which were a little jagged and well spaced-out, were only part of what provides the foundation for my assumption (and teeth are very important to me, perhaps more important than anything else).
The evening ended and I did the "walk out the door while keeping great distances between the two of you thing," hopefully making it clear that I was not all the interested romantically.
But, alas, today I get the infamous email....."I had a great time. You are so fun to hang out with. I really look forward to seeing you again.....let me know when you're available" and I had to send the inevitable...."It was nice to finally meet you. To be honest, I don't believe that we are romantically suited for one another. Best of luck" email in response.
These are the moments that I feel bad. "R" had not done anything particularly wrong, except to present himself as a man who is in better shape than he is and to have pictures on his profile that are misleading and obviously not as representative as they should be. But, he's a nice enough guy, even if he does wear the short sleeved dress shirts that my father wears...
Lessons to Learn for Women:
1. Always ask for more pictures than what they have posted online (once you get to contact stage). Be firm about it and don't accept a no. This could save you a lot of time and energy.
2. Lesson 1 will also mean that you do not go on a date with a man who doesn't have a picture of himself smiling. There is usually a reason for that (he's an angry bitter type, he doesn't have much personality, or most likely, bad teeth).
3. Never assume a man who is an athlete is actually in shape.
4. Never go somewhere where neither of you have ever been.
5. Never go somewhere that doesn't have a website. You are good enough to deserve a web-site worthy restaurant or bar/tav.
6. When you arrive at the AASB and see the clientele, just leave, you know the date is not going to bode well at that point (this might be questionable based on your ethics)
Lessons to Learn for Men:
1. Post pictures of yourself that are clear and close up, so that women can really see what you look like. Your pictures with your dog are great, but not if the dog's snout is in your face and we can't see you.
2. Post pictures with a smile. Be honest about who you are. And, perhaps if you don't have smiley pictures, get the teeth looked at in order to get some smiley pictures.
3. Don't ask a woman out and have no idea where the place is that you're going or what kind of place it is. No one wants to go somewhere that is out of their comfort zone on a first date.
4. Wear clothing that fits. Baggy clothes don't hide, they only make you look worse.
5. Shave before you come on a date and get a good night's sleep. Make a good impression.
6. When you walk into your place of choice and it seems to be a less than stellar locale, don't expect your date to be there.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
At the risk of another rant about SYTYCD
Tonight i have decided to blog as I go along........watching So You Think You Can Dance Finale show. I was really hoping that this year's finale would be different. But, I'm afraid things are quite the same.........
Pausing at this point to watch the two girls dance together, and then I will provide my reactions to both homosex pairings........
Ahhhh, Mia Michaels - I love you. Your work is inspiring, moving, passionate, and it always makes me feel.....something. However, yes, however.
The two homosex (same sex paired) pieces tonight are, yet again, following the same pattern of gender stereotypes that almost every other season of SYTYCD has followed (the exception here being Travis and Benji, which is an entirely different blog entry). The "boys" compete in a testosterone driven competitive dance that inevitably pits them against one another while the "girls" once again are part of a dance that either celebrates "femininity" or demonstrates a comforting/supportive relationship among women.
Neil and Danny in the Throne Dance
Joshua and Twitch in the Russian Dance
compared to
Sabra and Lacey in The Foxes (weirdness)
Katee and Courtney in Clang Clang Clang Went the Trolley
The dances themselves are enough to demonstrate my point (you can find them all on YouTube). But, especially poignant are the "pre-dance rehearsal moments" when the choreographer and the dancers talk about the dances themselves - referring to the male dance as a testosterone-fest or as gritty, masculine, etc......while the female dance is commented on as "girly" and "feminine" or "soft" and "emotional."
This year is no exception - the women make an emotional journey together, not battling against one another to make their way in the world, but dancing along side one another. While the men once again battle and compete against each other (their own words) to Janet Jackson's "Nasty Boys."
Please don't interpret my critique as a desire to see these two women "duking it out" on stage. But, I wonder why this show, so innovative and so culturally aware, is still buying into the gender stereotypes that can keep dance so stagnant in today's world.
I ask again (as I have in papers and conversations of the past).....and perhaps more specifically....why couldn't the boys have danced the Mia Michaels number and the girls dance Laurieann's choreography?
One other problem I would like to address is the unfair advantage it seems to me has been given to Brandon this evening within the homosex pairing......why hasn't he ever been "forced" to dance in Evan's style? Why is Evan always having to work out of his comfort zone when competing against the other dancers, especially male dancers, but Brandon hasn't been asked to dance in the smooth, sauve, and debonair dance style of Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire? I would like to see Brandon stand out in the same way on the stage, paired against Evan in this style of dance. Instead we see Evan placed in a "Nasty Boys" situation where the judges continue to point out his inability to be "nasty" over and over and over and over again......why would you do that to a dancer in the finale?
It also does not help when Nigel and Mary discuss Evan in an infantilizing manner, pointing out his "choochee face" (reminding me of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). How can one expect him to excel in this competition when he is constantly being treated like a child. My point is especially made as Nigel make his comments about Evan's solo (as I am typing). I feel like I'm watching an episode of Al Alberts Showcase (a nod to those from the Philadelphia area).
But, Evan's fans will persist. As is evidenced in the current audience reaction to his line dancing number with Kayla. Reacting in response to negative critiques, once again, from the judges.
This season would also be remiss if it didn't continue to feed into the sexual inuendo and commentary provided by not only Nigel, but Cat Deely, as well. Tonight "takes the cake" in many ways......first, shockingly, Adam Shankman comments about Jeanine's body, and then Nigel discusses his disappointment that Mia Michael's "layer-shedding" dance didn't go on long enough for him. I would have to go back and look at the show clips to point out the hundreds of inappropriate comments that have been made throughout this season......I thought comments in season 2 about Danyelle's "size" were bold, but it seems to have gotten worse season after season. I was especially shocked the week that Mia Michaels went on her diatribe about Kayla being the epitomy of "girl," continuing to feed into that sense of what a real "girl" should or should not be. If we simply looked at the women's costumes to decide what a "girl" should be one would have to think that her goal in life should be to be sexy, half-dressed, and sparkly :)
I also have a suggestion for the show's producers:
Why not bring homosex pairings into the competition earlier on in the season? If you can do it in the finale, why can't it be done throughout the season? Any dance style that is not traditional ballroom could surely be done in homosex pairs instead of heterosexual pairings.....even some of the ballroom dances could feasibly be done this way.
Also, I question the fact that voting is always done to eliminate one "boy" and one "girl" each week. Are we really keeping America's favorites or the best dancers by voting that way? Why couldn't two boys be eliminated if they are the ones with the lowest votes overall? Why should a girl who has more votes be sent home? I think the last two seasons have really demonstrated the fact that good dancers are going home before their time for this reason alone. It also makes me wonder why last year a new prize was instituted, so there would be a top "boy" and a top "girl." Isn't there just America's Favorite Dancer, regardless of gender? Continuing to reward the top person in each category does not make sense if the two females are actually the top-two vote-getters! Does it?
Now, I must say that I love So You Think You Can Dance. I will not stop watching this show. I will always love the dancing on this show. I just wish that they would recognize their continued reliance on gender norms AND heteronormative relationships in order to "sell" their message. Some of the most amazing pieces have been, admittedly, heterosex pairings. But, some of my favorite dances have also been the group numbers where gender didn't seem to make a difference. Or heterosex pairings that did not rely on heteronormative relationships (like Sara and Jesus' vaudeville-style number with the newspaper rattlings) or Neil and Lacey's Mia Michael's routine with all of the flowers on the floor.
I have written a paper and presented at conferences on this topic, and I hope that those who were present are seeing the repeat in certain trends once again this season.
An Amazing Paso Doble between Brandon and Jeanine finishes off the evening - truly stunning and absolutely well-danced. These two are the two top contenders for this season's winning position. Their solos were beyond amazing......Jeanine's especially controlled and stunning. And of course Nigel has to ruin it with another sexual inuendo ("I wanted to do it to her too?????").
I would like to go on record as saying that I believe Jeanine will win because Evan will be successful in capturing enough of the female votes to keep Brandon from winning entirely. Ia lso believe that she should win, as she is My Favorite Dancer, and has been from the start :)
Until we meet again for Season Six this Fall.
Pausing at this point to watch the two girls dance together, and then I will provide my reactions to both homosex pairings........
Ahhhh, Mia Michaels - I love you. Your work is inspiring, moving, passionate, and it always makes me feel.....something. However, yes, however.
The two homosex (same sex paired) pieces tonight are, yet again, following the same pattern of gender stereotypes that almost every other season of SYTYCD has followed (the exception here being Travis and Benji, which is an entirely different blog entry). The "boys" compete in a testosterone driven competitive dance that inevitably pits them against one another while the "girls" once again are part of a dance that either celebrates "femininity" or demonstrates a comforting/supportive relationship among women.
Neil and Danny in the Throne Dance
Joshua and Twitch in the Russian Dance
compared to
Sabra and Lacey in The Foxes (weirdness)
Katee and Courtney in Clang Clang Clang Went the Trolley
The dances themselves are enough to demonstrate my point (you can find them all on YouTube). But, especially poignant are the "pre-dance rehearsal moments" when the choreographer and the dancers talk about the dances themselves - referring to the male dance as a testosterone-fest or as gritty, masculine, etc......while the female dance is commented on as "girly" and "feminine" or "soft" and "emotional."
This year is no exception - the women make an emotional journey together, not battling against one another to make their way in the world, but dancing along side one another. While the men once again battle and compete against each other (their own words) to Janet Jackson's "Nasty Boys."
Please don't interpret my critique as a desire to see these two women "duking it out" on stage. But, I wonder why this show, so innovative and so culturally aware, is still buying into the gender stereotypes that can keep dance so stagnant in today's world.
I ask again (as I have in papers and conversations of the past).....and perhaps more specifically....why couldn't the boys have danced the Mia Michaels number and the girls dance Laurieann's choreography?
One other problem I would like to address is the unfair advantage it seems to me has been given to Brandon this evening within the homosex pairing......why hasn't he ever been "forced" to dance in Evan's style? Why is Evan always having to work out of his comfort zone when competing against the other dancers, especially male dancers, but Brandon hasn't been asked to dance in the smooth, sauve, and debonair dance style of Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire? I would like to see Brandon stand out in the same way on the stage, paired against Evan in this style of dance. Instead we see Evan placed in a "Nasty Boys" situation where the judges continue to point out his inability to be "nasty" over and over and over and over again......why would you do that to a dancer in the finale?
It also does not help when Nigel and Mary discuss Evan in an infantilizing manner, pointing out his "choochee face" (reminding me of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang). How can one expect him to excel in this competition when he is constantly being treated like a child. My point is especially made as Nigel make his comments about Evan's solo (as I am typing). I feel like I'm watching an episode of Al Alberts Showcase (a nod to those from the Philadelphia area).
But, Evan's fans will persist. As is evidenced in the current audience reaction to his line dancing number with Kayla. Reacting in response to negative critiques, once again, from the judges.
This season would also be remiss if it didn't continue to feed into the sexual inuendo and commentary provided by not only Nigel, but Cat Deely, as well. Tonight "takes the cake" in many ways......first, shockingly, Adam Shankman comments about Jeanine's body, and then Nigel discusses his disappointment that Mia Michael's "layer-shedding" dance didn't go on long enough for him. I would have to go back and look at the show clips to point out the hundreds of inappropriate comments that have been made throughout this season......I thought comments in season 2 about Danyelle's "size" were bold, but it seems to have gotten worse season after season. I was especially shocked the week that Mia Michaels went on her diatribe about Kayla being the epitomy of "girl," continuing to feed into that sense of what a real "girl" should or should not be. If we simply looked at the women's costumes to decide what a "girl" should be one would have to think that her goal in life should be to be sexy, half-dressed, and sparkly :)
I also have a suggestion for the show's producers:
Why not bring homosex pairings into the competition earlier on in the season? If you can do it in the finale, why can't it be done throughout the season? Any dance style that is not traditional ballroom could surely be done in homosex pairs instead of heterosexual pairings.....even some of the ballroom dances could feasibly be done this way.
Also, I question the fact that voting is always done to eliminate one "boy" and one "girl" each week. Are we really keeping America's favorites or the best dancers by voting that way? Why couldn't two boys be eliminated if they are the ones with the lowest votes overall? Why should a girl who has more votes be sent home? I think the last two seasons have really demonstrated the fact that good dancers are going home before their time for this reason alone. It also makes me wonder why last year a new prize was instituted, so there would be a top "boy" and a top "girl." Isn't there just America's Favorite Dancer, regardless of gender? Continuing to reward the top person in each category does not make sense if the two females are actually the top-two vote-getters! Does it?
Now, I must say that I love So You Think You Can Dance. I will not stop watching this show. I will always love the dancing on this show. I just wish that they would recognize their continued reliance on gender norms AND heteronormative relationships in order to "sell" their message. Some of the most amazing pieces have been, admittedly, heterosex pairings. But, some of my favorite dances have also been the group numbers where gender didn't seem to make a difference. Or heterosex pairings that did not rely on heteronormative relationships (like Sara and Jesus' vaudeville-style number with the newspaper rattlings) or Neil and Lacey's Mia Michael's routine with all of the flowers on the floor.
I have written a paper and presented at conferences on this topic, and I hope that those who were present are seeing the repeat in certain trends once again this season.
An Amazing Paso Doble between Brandon and Jeanine finishes off the evening - truly stunning and absolutely well-danced. These two are the two top contenders for this season's winning position. Their solos were beyond amazing......Jeanine's especially controlled and stunning. And of course Nigel has to ruin it with another sexual inuendo ("I wanted to do it to her too?????").
I would like to go on record as saying that I believe Jeanine will win because Evan will be successful in capturing enough of the female votes to keep Brandon from winning entirely. Ia lso believe that she should win, as she is My Favorite Dancer, and has been from the start :)
Until we meet again for Season Six this Fall.
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