What is the current definition for the word "fit" in a 38 year old man's dictionary?

Would someone please define "fit" for me?  I workout 4-5 times a week, cycling and with weights and when I prepare for a date with a man who calls himself "fit" and "active" I expect him to be "fit" and "active."  Perhaps that definition has changed for men in their late 30s or early 40s?  
Are men really that un-self-aware that they don't know when their paunch is starting to hang over the belt loops?  Do they honestly see a ripped bicep when it's, uh, not?  And, who ever told men that pecs that looks like breasts, even if they are solid-ish, are attractive?  
A friend of mine theorizes that men are just not as self-aware as women are and that because it is okay for men to be "average" while it is not okay for women to be so (the average woman is now a size 14), that men don't really see the changes in themselves over time or don't recognize when they've put on enough weight that they should actually be buying a new pair of pants.  Is this true?  
My date last night would indicate that it is, unfortunately:


You know it's sad when, the moment you walk into the bar to meet your date, that you think, "Man, this is gonna' make a great blog entry!"  Apparently, Joe hasn't gotten my memo on posting updated pictures of oneself on the profile....
Joe describes himself as "a runner, hiker, a fit and active guy who really likes being outdoors and has done triathlons, goes repelling....etc." His pictures all show him in his active lifestyle, with a body that looks to be in shape and "fit."
Perhaps Joe has forgotten what "fit" means or his definition of "fit" has changed, I can't be sure.
I walked into DuClaw at the Arundel Mills Mall (another indicator, but whatever), hoping that the guy I saw in the bar windows was not the guy I was there to meet, but when I texted and asked if he was there, he said he was in the bar.  Great start!
The server was at our table and Joe was getting ready to order a drink without me - shouldn't you wait until your "date" joins you?  Really?  When the server turned around and walked towards me, the look on his face was priceless.....kinda' like, oh man, this is an online date and she is going to be disappointed, haha.
Joe is wearing what I shall refer to as a "Ravens"-purple t-shirt.  It is not, thankfully, an actual Baltimore Ravens t-shirt, but it is the color purple that one would associate with the team.  The sleeves are rolled in Fonzi or Chachi style to accentuate the "ripped, but not so ripped" muscles on the upper arm.  His t-shirt is tucked into his jeans and about 15 minutes into the "date" I realize that he has about a 5-6 inch solid roll hanging over his waistband.  Fit?  Fit?  Really?  Fit?  Why am I ever worried about my own body when I go on dates anymore?  Seriously.  I'm smokin' in comparison.....I might as well be a runway model.
Joe spends the date complaining about his past dates and about women in general.  Hmmmmm.  He even talks about the fact that he has had so many first dates on Plenty of Fish and he used to think that technology would make there be less single people in the world, but now he thinks it is the reverse.
He thinks it has made people more picky, especially women.  He says that he thinks women have to be awed and wowed on a first date now in order to want to go out again and he doesn't understand why that is.  He says that men don't need that.  As long as you have a good time, then a second date is in order.
Well, Joe, I'd like to explain to you why you're not getting second dates.  Perhaps the picture of yourself with a great body in a fitted t-shirt just isn't accurate anymore?  Perhaps the work you had done on your teeth that has left your front tooth capped, discolored, slanted and slightly separated from all the rest of your teeth is so distracting that women can't actually look at you during a "date" because they feel like they'd stare at that poor little "misfit" tooth.  Perhaps your choice of Happy Days style clothing adds to all of these problems?
Joe asked about what I had been reading that day, and like many people assumed that when I said "sexualities" that I meant sex.  Trying to explain the difference to him was challenging and I still don't think that I succeeded.  But, that, I could expect from many others, so not really a criticism, just an addition to the list of things that were problematic.
Joe was nice enough, don't get me wrong, but I thought I had made it pretty clear via body language (crossed arms, sitting with my hands in front of me in clasped prayer style at my face, eye-wandering to the televisions in the sports bar) that I wasn't really interested romantically.  He had, after all, not ordered a second drink.  I had, after all, asked the server for the check.  :)
Then, Joe asks me for what I'm looking for in a relationship.  Usually, I can steer men away by talking about how much I need someone who is flexible and can move with me anywhere because I don't know where I will get a job.
At this point, Joe starts selling himself as a candidate for that position.  Talking about how flexible his job is, how much money is billed for him hourly, and how much money he could bill hourly for himself if he went independent.  Really?
The evening ended (40 minutes, my second shortest date, YES!).
I got a text from Joe this morning telling me how nice it was to meet me and asking me if I had a good time.  Not this again.........I feel like it's a repeat of the "professional baseball player" all over again......
I sent Joe a very nice email (approved by my co-worker who is much nicer than I am):
"Joe,
It was good to meet you.
While you seem like a really nice guy, I am not interested romantically.
To be honest, I would suggest that you update your photos on your PoF site or at least post clearer photos of yourself.
Best of luck,
H"


I think this was kind.  There is so much more I could have said.  I could have explained to him exactly why he wasn't getting second dates.  I refrained.
Here is the response I got from Joe:
"You have issues hon but i still wish you luck.  Certainly you will need it if you are going to find someone."


Now, those of you who know me know that my fingers are just itching and my tongue is just burning to post a response to that, but I am refraining.  How easy it would be to shred him, how easy......
And that, after we had talked about how you can't take anything in online dating personally unless you're actually at the stage of steady dating and being in a relationship.  


I have one more date this weekend, and I have emailed him asking him to please please please look like his pics......lmao.

Intellectual Elitist? Perhaps.......A Defense of the Desire to Date a Man with a Brain

In my 10 plus years of on again, off again, online dating, I've encountered all kinds......my friends (fellow online daters) and I seem to have the habit of attributing nicknames to many of these "experiences."  Nicknames that are not always flattering, but are definitely always apt.  Just a few from the collection:

1.  Needs a Dictionary Guy (my favorite J------- story, always good for a laugh with friends who are also intellectual elitists)

2.  Gold Chain and Black Lame Guy (that's luh-may, not lame.....yes, and I think the name explains itself, however the story will be forthcoming, since it's K------'s favorite story of all time)

3.  Beef (this one comes from K------ in NYC and I would have loved to have seen him in person)

4.  Red-Neck, Triangle-tooth Fisherman Guy (my personal favorite, this was my record all-time shortest date at a Starbucks in Tallahassee, FL)

5.  Big Fat Liar Guy (a man whose pics were definitely from 20 years ago, who looked more my father's age than my own)

6.  The Perv (a recent winner who seemed to be able to make every comment whether spoken or written and say something dirty or disgusting, no matter how many times I asked him not to)

7.  TMI Guy (a guy who shared his Urinary Tract Infection Information in our 3rd phone call, thanks but no thanks)

8.  White Jean Shorts Guy (yes, a man actually showed up for a date in straight leg white jean shorts, Tallahassee again, need I say more?)

9.  The Magician (my favorite guy from EHarmony who actually was a good match but lived too far away and his job was actually motivational speaking using magic for corporate venues)

10.  Tattoo Guy (my most recent foray into online dating brought me head to head with a guy who actually HATES tattoos and was apparently so repulsed by my bracelet that he decided he could never date me.  That story too, in another episode).

Shall we begin with "Needs a Dictionary Guy?"  He is the primary reason that I began to reevaluate my own need to be with a man who is either my intellectual equal or strives to be culturally, socially, and politically aware in his own areas of expertise.

I don't think it's too much to ask that a man have a basic vocabulary at his disposal....

J------ went on a date perhaps a year and a half ago, and I vividly remember the phone call that followed.  She called almost directly after returning home.

Dinner at a chain-y type Bennigan's, Friday's, Chili's place....

Small talk ensued and as part of the conversation her date says,

"Hey, I guess my shirt kind of matches the decor in here"

Jocelyn responds,

"Yes, how thematic of you"

His response,

"Huh?"

She has to explain what the word "thematic" means.........

Now, some might think we're being a little judgmental here, but I say, if a man doesn't know what the word "thematic" means, I don't think I can date him.  I don't think I can respect him intellectually. 

If you don't know what "thematic" means, are you going to be versed in what is going on politically in our world?  are you going to understand the significance of current debates over health care?  are you going to care about these things at all?  If the answer to any of these is "No" then I could never date you.

I'm not asking for a political analyst or a health care guru or even someone who is as fervent about any of these issues as I am, but I do want someone who can understand and discuss the issues, even if we don't agree.

So, if I sound like an intellectual elitist, then so be it.  I want someone well-read, aware, and who has an educated opinion on the matters of our world.  If it's too much to ask, then I'd rather stay single

:)