Happy Birthday from OK Cupid - What a Great Start to a New Year!

This morning I awoke to find the following email from OK Cupid in my inbox.....Oh, OKCupid, you know just what I need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

	Happy Birthday, (my profile name)! Still single? Come check out your matches and find the men who want to meet you for your birthday! Click here to find your birthday matches! Happy day! -OkCupid

Still single?  Yes, of course I am......Haven't you seen the matches you've been sending me?  I know they are much improved over the earlier matches, but come on!

I think OK Cupid has gotten to know me so well.  These men are truly beginning to match what I have asked for in a partner.  A few of my favorite profile names, pics and intros from this week's matches:

                                                              CLARKKENT2011
Seriously?  Yes, the fact that I actually specifically talk about being fit in my profile obviously doesn't seem to matter.  However, he could be more fit than his picture lets on.............

                                                    FIRST_BASE...............
because that's probably as far as he's ever gotten??????????  His bowl haircut shows me that he is thrifty or is that cheap?  Hmmmmm.

                                                              LATINO TIGER....
who apparently doesn't know how to turn his picture right side up (they're all that way)

                                                   SIXTHREEMD.............

let's clarify that MD means Maryland, not Medical Doctor.  His profile intro starts out with:  This is where people describe thereselves...............wow.  OK Cupid you know me so well!

I wonder if my "birthday matches," the men who want to meet me for my birthday (because I should give that special day to a stranger, right?) will be especially terrific.........let's find out:

1.  ObscureOblique - His self-summary, if his profile name isn't odd enough -

Generally, when I feel obligated to do something, like write a self-summary, my first reaction is not to do it. It's not that I am a rebel, it's just that I'm obstinate.

Well, let me just sign on for a relationship with him?  I don't want any man that I date to feel obligated to do anything.  God forbid he actually feel like he wants to tell me about himself in a dating profile.  How can this be your self-summary?  Really?  This is it?  This is all about you?  What you want in life?  So, all I need to know is that you're NOT a rebel, but you are OBSTINATE.  Somehow, obstinate is not what I am wanting!  I think I'd prefer the rebel.

2.  MATHBOXERS - First, the obligatory bathroom shot of himself and he obviously doesn't understand the looking up part.....Next, His own explanation for the profile name -
Oh, and why 'mathboxers'? Years ago at Penn State I had to come up with a username. So I figured, "Hey, I like math, and I wear boxers." It stuck.
Well, I like sushi and I wear a bra, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make my profile name SushiBra - just think of the implications.........Or how about IceCreamHat or maybe ChocolateTampon..............those might work.  Sigh.


OKCupid you have been especially generous to me on this, my birthday.  Thank you. 


I'm going to save some for the next blog, but just wanted to start my new year off by giving my friends at OK Cupid a shout out for such fabulous work this past year!  You rock!

And don't worry, if I'm still single next year, I'll look forward to the birthday card that reminds me that you still haven't sent me any matches that actually fit my profile parameters!

For now, I believe I will stay on OK Cupid just to provide some levity in the lives of friends :)
Happy New Year and Happy Dating to all my friends!!!!!!!!

Communication from OKCupid gives me something to LIVE FOR!

I recently received an email from OKCupid whose subject title reads:   Subject:  (OKCupid Code Name) we have data on your attractiveness! Here is the message in its entirety: (okcupid code name): We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of OkCupid's most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know. How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you in QuickMatch and Quiver. . . . Your new elite status comes with one important privilege: You will now see more attractive people in your match results. This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results. . . . Suddenly, the world is your oyster. Login now and reap the rewards. And, no, we didn't just send this email to everyone on OkCupid. Go ask an ugly friend and see. So, I have to say, I feel so much better about myself now.............once in a slump, worried that men on OKCupid were not interested in me, I have had my ego bolstered by the random tiny clicks of a mouse on star-ratings on OKCupid! I think the most exciting part of this was that I would "now start seeing more attractive men" in my match section.  Apparently, i was unworthy of seeing attractive men prior to the ratings that I received from "said-men."  And, equally as important, I would now be sent to "more attractive men" as a possible match for them.  Thank you, OKCupid!  Thank you Thank you.   Then I thought, do I have an ugly friend who is using OkCupid that I could verify these results with?  Hmmmmm.  My dear friends, I don't think I have any ugly friends........perhaps I could find an "ugly" woman on OkCupid and send her a message that asks her if she's received the same wonderful email? Well, having been told that i would now be receiving more attractive me in my "Quiver" of matches.....now, let's stop and consider this word "quiver."  At first I did not think of the bow and arrow quiver, you know, like a quiver full of arrows (fairly archaic language not often used any more).  I thought of the verb quiver - like, "He makes me quiver!"  A very exciting prospect.  But, what I was receiving in my quiver was more like a shiver and I was hoping that NOW, maybe, I would receive some quiver-worthy men in this quiver of mine................huh. Let me first say that the "quality" of men in my quiver and my match column did improve, but one can judge for oneself by viewing the pictures below, pictures that are an improvement on some of what I had already been receiving. Medieval Times Guy Hagrid from Harry Potter Guy Guy who for some reason is fully clothed in the pool My favorite, Medusa Guy Now, ladies, I know what you must be thinking..............some of these men have the potential to be "attractive."  But, I am just going on the pictures that they themselves have decided to use in their profiles.  Oh, that's not what you were thinking? Then, perhaps you were thinking how it is that these could be an improvement over what I had been receiving?  How could it be worse?  It was...... I will say, to OkCupid's credit, there have been some actual "better looking men" that I've received recently.  And, they actually seem like decent guys who have jobs who are fit and who can communicate (I have been in touch with a few).......... I will refrain from posting them here, lest I am ever in a "relationship" with one of them and he happens to see this blog, lol. For now, I just want to thank OkCupid for giving me that little boost of confidence that I needed to get over the hump...........and, calling all ugly girls, have you received an email from OkCupid too?

Break's over..................maybe.

So, it's been 3 months since I posted..................why so long, you ask?  Because I haven't gone on a date in that period of time.....by CHOICE!  I needed a break.  So did you, admit it :)  One can only take so much of my "dating stories" before you just have to wonder if there is, indeed, something wrong with me?  That's what I was contemplating these past couple of months.  And, I've come to the conclusion that, while I may have some issues, the stories I've told are NOT the result of my issues :)

Two things bring me back:

1.  Today, my "ex" friended me on facebook?  WHAT??????????????????????????  Yes, you read that correctly, my ex, who talked of marriage, love, blah blah blah, decides after two years (a wife and a child now) to "friend" me on facebook?  How does that happen, guys, how?  What it is that clicks in your brain that says, hey, it's okay to friend her on facebook now.  Maybe she wants to know that I'm married and have a baby.  Yeh, yeh, she'll definitely want to know all about my life after I effectually destroyed hers! 
I thought I had moved on..........I mean, two years is a long time.  And, I was finally able to look at his artwork on my kitchen wall and not really think about him at all, but the enjoyment that I felt at looking at the artwork.
That artwork is now in the garbage dumpster of my condo complex.  Trashpickers alert!  Some great artwork in Annapolis just waiting to be rescued from the last trashcan on the right!  I realized today that while I had successfully avoided the complex feelings I still carry regarding that "relationship," I was only avoiding it because I was actully "avoiding" anything that would remind me of him or it - I hid all of my FB friends that are friends with him, so I wouldn't have to see anything related to his life or the people who shared in our lives.  I had gotten rid of everything, except that DAMN artwork.  Well, now it is gone.....I wish I could safely and legally set fire to it somewhere....maybe I'd feel better.  Maybe. 
When I sent a message (after ignoring his friend request) asking why he was friending me, his response was "oops sorry"  WTF.  You can't friend someone on accident on facebook.  You have to actually be on their profile page to select the button that says "friend request."  Don't we all know this?  So, how does an "oops sorry" explain anything.  Why are you looking at my profile page?  Really?  Why?  My response, "What an ass.  Thanks for drudging up old wounds....."  Done.  Deleted.  Some might say that this "gives him power."  I call bullshit on that perspective.  He's an ass.  He should be told he's an ass.

2.  After the emotional trauma of being "friended" I did what I always do when I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, I went looking at online dating sites.  hahahahahahahahaha.  Yes, a bizarre coping tactic, but effective nonetheless.  This way I don't eat the box of brownie mix sitting on my shelf or the macaroni and cheese or gorge on chocolate/caramel treats or a bottle of wine or 6 pack of beer, or.......any of the other number of things that we all tend to do.

I prefer instead to have a good laugh at the people who are on online dating sites (yes, I was and kind of am one of them), but I enjoy looking at the pictures that people think are going to get them "anywhere."  Today, I peeked at OK cupid....danger, danger, Will Robinson!

A few of the best:

 Now, we've had this discussion before, blog readers!
Violation #1:  You are taking a picture of yourself with your cell phone in a mirror.
Violation #2:  This picture is being taken in a bathroom mirror.
Violation #3:  This picture is being taken in a "PUBLIC BATHROOM MIRROR."

What are you thinking, Mr. Okay Cupid?  I can see the toilet just behind the cracked stall door to your right, our left...............This is just disturbing on so many levels!!!!!!!

I think someone needs to remind this guy that it's 2010.  Although, I'm sure that all of the "historical re-enactment women" are just clamoring over his brute masculinity and his ability to "grow hair" which indicates to all of us women that this man is a CATCH!

This man apparently thinks that HE IS THE CITY!  Or, maybe he's hiding somewhere inside one of those buildings......doing the whole "guess which person I am in this photo" thing that so many of you do! (this is his profile photo and the only photo he provides).  What I especially like is his self summary that says "I'm an over-educated and under-appreciated male in this urban environment."  Definitely one to run after ladies!

 Ummmm, I'm not really sure what to say about this one.  Trying to show his soft side?  A symbolic effort to tell us he can "stop and smell the roses, I mean, flowers, uh....."  Just comes off as a bit creepy and weird to me.
 AND.......the piece de resistance..............

 (No commentary necessary).

So, now that I have cheered myself up by reaffirming the fact that what is out there is probably not worth me stressing over and definitely not worth me "desiring"...............I leave to my readers to vote on their "fav" pic of the day :)
Considering another stint in dating, readers, just to provide you with more belly-laughing stories to entertain and delight you!  (Tara and Leanne have asked, hahahaha).

Oh, I'm sorry, I don't believe in texting before the 10th date!

That will be my standard reply from now on to any many who tries to text me instead of calling me at any point before our 10th date.
Why have I not written more about K--- from my previous entry?  Because of the possibility of possibility?  Well, more likely because deep in the recesses of my mind I knew there was going to be some kind of something that would go wrong.....he was just too right.  Had he only been able to communicate more effectively, I think this could have gone somewhere.....I don't know where, but somewhere.
This entry will hopefully teach a lesson that many men and women need to learn when dating - BEWARE THE SERIAL TEXTER (whether male or female). 
The serial texter seems to be a staple amongst my girlfriends and their dating "issues" these days.  The man who, rather than call and make plans, sends a series of text messages.  The man who, when texting, says little to nothing that is really substantial and answers in 5 words or less.  The man who fails to respond to a text that you've sent, but then the next day sends a random text that says "good morning."  How does one rationalize this as communication?  Texting is not connection, people!
What is the purpose of this texting style I ask?  What?  Is it to give just enough rope for women to hang themselves?  Just enough interest to keep someone hanging on out of hopes that there will be another "actual" date someday?
Explain to me how a man who tells you to your face that he really likes you.....has two dates with you in one day.....and who you know is genuinely interested during your face-to-face date-time turns into the "serial texter" from hell.
And, when confronted claims to not be playing games......serial random texting, no actual phone calls and a failure to schedule another date within 2 weeks time (whether you have your child in the intermediate weekend or not) STINKS of game-playing to me.
So, gentlemen, avoid the text.  Make the phone call.  Schedule the second/third date in a timely fashion.  Or, women are going to pretty much think that you aren't really as interested as you claimed to be and are, hopefully, going to call you on your B.S. I know I won't hesitate to do so from now on......
And, I will be spending some time contemplating my own judgment skills.  I used to be willing to give this type of man the boot immediately without looking back, but then I found myself being criticized by others for being too judgmental, too hasty, having too high of expectations too early on in a dating situation.  But, I'm starting to believe that those heightened skills of dismissal are what have kept me sane in the world of dating, as opposed to living in a world where I am constantly confused about random communication and non-committal messages that are being sent, via text, email, or phone.  I am going to dig back to my previous layers of armor, enact the walls once again, and if I am single, so be it.  At least I'm single and drama-free and not feeling like I've made yet another bad judgment and wasted yet another couple weeks of my life on a "man" who didn't deserve or really "want" my time from the start.
p.s.  I'd like to think that K--- has some really good reason for doing a 180 in terms of attention and communication.  I'd like to think that he would be gentleman enough to call and explain that, but I'd probably just get another text - in 5 words or less - that said pretty much nothing.  But, a little part of me hopes that my initial "read" on K--- wasn't wrong, if not for my own sense of self-other perception, but for the fact that he did really seem like a great guy who was a gentleman.  He did.  :( 

Hesitation comes from Possibility.....

Ahhhhh - an alleviation from a string of not great dates this year......but I haven't written about it.  I keep asking myself why.
Why do I always hesitate to write about the good date, the great date?  For fear of ruining the "karma" associated with said date?  For fear of actually talking about it and ruining it?  For fear of developing expectations that I have no right to have?  Probably all of the above.
So, I'm going to go against protocol and write about my recent "great date" with K---
K--- appears to be the complete package, ladies, I know, I know.
1.  Smart
2.  Handsome
3.  Employed
4.  Family man
5. Good listener and conversationalist
6. Gentleman
7.  Great smile!
8.  In great shape at 43!
The list could go on, but.....some things I like I'd like to keep to myself for now ;)
What more could I ask for, right?  Right?  Right!  I have nothing to ask for, except that I have the opportunity to see K--- many more times this summer...
I only ask not to be disappointed.
Hopefully, more coming on this one....

This One Was Too Good Not to Share!!!!!!!!

Okay, below I have posted perhaps the most intriguing and maybe disturbing and fascinating and unnerving profile that I have found to date on Plenty of Fish:
HIs headline says:  She Gets Her Way - Looking for a Total Control Freak
Now, while many of you who know me very well might say - This is the guy you are looking for, hahahaha, I am not sure I could REALLY respect a man who let me have total control in a control freak sort of way.  We all know a man has to "have a set" to really get anywhere with me :)
Enjoy the read, but let me know if you think he's really looking for some kink or something and is just using "euphemistic phrasing."  If so, wow, someone needs a woman in black leather boots with a whip and the need to be called "madam"  For enough money.......no, just kidding!:

New to Philadelphia, new to online dating. Looking for a truly exceptional woman who expects to be treated as a Goddess.

I'm looking for a long-term, loving relationship with a completely domineering, demanding, and controlling woman. Okay, maybe that describes most women, but I'm not looking for your average control-freak. I'm looking for someone who needs unquestioned control over any and everything in our lives. She is the boss, she's challenging, and when a disagreement arises she expects that I will acquiesce. This isn't about sex, it's about day to day life and the way the whole of the relationship works.

I'm 39 yo, tall, shaved head, fit/thin, professional, confident, successful, divorced. I recently moved to Philadelphia after a number of years in the desert Southwest. I love my career and love my life, I'm just missing that special someone. I've taken plenty of time away from dating to gain some clarity and sort things out moving forward. I have often dated domineering women throughout my adult life, but it is now very clear that ultimately I need even more than what I've found. I suppose I have always known, but have plenty of life experience reaffirming this.

I don't need or want someone to financially or otherwise take care of me, I can already do this myself. And I am far from a pushover - I have thoughts, opinions, and a backbone. I get along in life just fine. But for the right woman, I am fully prepared to make a lasting commitment and give her sole control over everything in my world such that she can direct our lives together as she sees fit without my interference. If this is you, write me. You will not scare me off, no matter how extreme or demanding you are - there is quite honestly no limit to what I'll cede to the right woman. Should the chemistry be right, I will not hesitate to commit even to a woman other men would find a nightmare.

I get that this is probably not what most women want, but I firmly believe that my match is out there. Age and looks are far less important to me than who you are, and of course chemistry.

More about me. I love mountain biking, Arizona was kind of a Mecca for that. I'm not totally sure where to go around here but can't wait to explore. At least I won't have to worry about pulling cactus spines out of my butt anymore, but I will miss dodging rattlesnakes.

I read voraciously. I cut off my cable about a year ago and don't plan on getting it here. It was honestly the best thing I've ever done - I can now go back and read all the books I pretended to read in high-school and college. Okay, I do miss football and hockey (are Redskins and Capitals fans safe in Philly?). Love to read non-fiction and heavy historical fiction. Grapes of Wrath, Making of the Atomic Bomb, A Fine Balance, Sophie's Choice, LOTR, Gulag Archapeligo are a few faves.

I love wine, though I'm kind of new to it. Have been to Bordeaux and the Barossa in Australia. Am not a wine ponce - just love to try new wines. I like to cook, though I'm not awfully good at it at the moment. You'd expect after years working in a lab, which is essentially cooking, I'd be better at it?

I never really minded 115 degree days, it's the East Coast 95 degree summer days that are truly miserable. And I forgot about the cold - I came to Philly never having shopped for anything warm for 6 years.

I have random taste in music - metal, reggae, classical (Mozart & Beethoven esp), Yo Gabba Gabba!, and am willing to listen to anything new.

I love smart women. And I don't confuse educated with smart, there is a difference and the two don't always go together.

Other Random Likes and Dislikes:
Italian Food > Japanese > Everything Else >>> Indian Food
Redskins > Eagles (LOL)
Capitals > Flyers (pretty clear, isn't it?)
Biology > Physics

Anyhow, I'm completely totally serious about what I've written. If you have genuine interest, please say hi, even if I've already browsed you.

A New Time and Place for Coffee

Well, we have officially moved!  It's been over a month again, since I've written, but moving is enough of an excuse to warrant that :)
Today I sit in my new coffee shop - Baltimore Coffee and Tea Company.....ahhhh, surrounded by thousands, or, perhaps, millions of coffee beans, I endeavor to stay focused on my studying for my quickly approaching comp on Body and Physical Difference. 
This BCTC has already served as the site for a first date - another that does not warrant a second date.  SSDD people.  I am beginning to think God is having a lot of fun sending me all the men in the world who have bad teeth and put misleading pictures of themselves on their profiles. :)  But, no major investment, no frustration, when all is said and done.
This coffee shop has seemed to be one that is fairly quiet, not quite as noisy and chaotic as the Caribou I used to frequent.  Quiet in the sense that people respect each others' work space so are not ridiculously loud on cell phones or Skype conversations with their internet brides. ;)
However, there are still the "Outlet Hogs" that frequent almost every coffee shop.  I am sitting next to one today.  I asked him nicely if he would be needing both plugs the entire time (considering the fact that one of his plugs was for his IPhone.  And, if you have an IPhone you know that you can plug it directly into your laptop in the jumpdrive to charge it.  It does not require the actual wall-socket outlet in order to charge.)  He got a little incensed and removed his IPhone plug, so now I can plug in.  But, really........common sense people, common sense.  
New Apartment is great!  Neighbors are GREAT!  We have Mary Claire upstairs who introduced herself to my dad and I by saying,
"Hi, honey, I may not always have food in my cupboards but I always have wine and booze."  My kind of neighbor!!!
And, she told Abby that if we have a party, we should let her know, she likes to party.  
Let me clarify that Mary Claire is probably in her early 60s :)
We live below an international airline stewardess who is from New Zealand.  She has also invited us for a bottle of wine :)  a bottle, yes, not a glass.....
So, people have been really friendly - heck, anyone who wants to share their wine should be considered friendly, lol.
Wine in the Woods is coming up next weekend and I'm very much looking forward to that!  An old friend from high school is coming down to visit and it should be a really good time....
BTW, in the time that has passed, I did have a minor accident which resulted in some new scar-work on my face.  I figured it was time to get some scars on the left side to balance out the right :)
Thanks to the Cherry Blossom Festival and the guy who lifted the caution tape to push his stroller UNDER while I was in the process of stepping OVER it......I ended up with stitches and a lovely little scar on my chin which still has nerve damage and is not healing as well as I would like.  A trip to the plastic surgeon may be in order here.
All in all, life is good.  We have gotten away from Vagina Guy, the Domestic Abuse couple, and the case-a-weekend beer drinkers that live in our old building.  OHHHHHHH, and we rescued a new stray kitty in the process.  More on that later.